……I’m not sure how to start this letter, but we really need to talk. I’ve been thinking about us a lot lately and it’s just not working out. I thought we were perfect but now I’m not so sure. In the beginning, you were my number one; no faults and no flaws. You were compliant yet in control. I honestly thought we’d be together forever.
When you said pivot, I said how fast? I was genuinely warm for your form. But then things changed. I felt like I always did the MAX and you did the MIN. And when I stupidly introduced you to my friends, our problems multiplied. It became clear you were MEAN and FALSE and calculating and to be honest the things you say just don’t add up.
You see, I’m just your average Dave or DAVERAGE to my mates. But you, you’re the SUM of a lot of SINS and everything now seems to CONCATENATE.
1: You frequently dump on me.
2: You have become a CTRL freak.
3: We just ROW and ROW.
4: You’ve become CLNG-y.
5: You called me a COUNT – at least that’s what it sounded like.
6: You never behave PROPERly.
7: And in all honestly, you’re just no good between the sheets.
Now all that is out in the open, it’s clear we’re at a pivot-table moment in our relationship, our formula isn’t working and frankly there are just too many IFs. I need a SUBSTITUTE.
It’s been fun but spreadsheet, it’s cell la vie from me…
Real life office stories brought to you by FairFX, the expense management solution and answer to all spreadsheet break-ups.
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